I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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