I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
