my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
