R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
