i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
