I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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