wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
