she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
