Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
