And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
