I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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