Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
