i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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