She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
