well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
