Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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