I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
