yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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