i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
