the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
