butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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