PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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