ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
