Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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