Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
