soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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