My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
