I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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