lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
