weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We need to rekindle our bromance
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
