Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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