I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
