Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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