Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
