also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
