we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
