Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
