Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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