Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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