you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
