Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have fence marks all over my body
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
