Say something about gay babies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
