Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
