even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
