She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
