i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
