Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
