Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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