I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
