ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
