I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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